Time With Tandy

Inspirational author and speaker

Time With Tandy

Inspirational author and speaker

Author: Tandy

  • The 7% Rule

    #inspiration, communication, non-verbalMy back went up immediately when I read the email. Here was the judgment I’d been expecting since being vulnerable and admitting my problem.

    I’d been pleasantly surprised by the overwhelming support and encouragement I’d received. Now, this one negative came along and was having a much bigger effect on me than it should. I was upset with myself and the person who sent the message.

    Upon reading the email again, I discovered the comment made was neither negative nor positive. It was simply a neutral statement. Since this was a sensitive topic for me my interpretation was negative and I took offense.

    The fact is only 7% of communication is the words. I was not getting the 38% that is made up of the tone of voice, inflection and volume. Also missing was the 55% that facial expression and body language represent.

    When I read something I need to take into consideration how I’m feeling at the time. My emotions can change the tone of what I read and turn an innocent statement into something offensive.

    The same hold true with my communication with others. Sometimes, even with more than the 7%, my intentions are misunderstood. I need to take responsibility for my words and also for how I react to those directed to me.

    How about you? Do you also get caught up in the words and your emotions and forget the 7% rule?

    “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” George Bernard Shaw

  • I May Never See You Again

    family, memories, tribute, auntMy beloved Aunt Evelyn passed away a few days ago. She would have been 98 in December and lived a long, full life.

    To celebrate her life and the legacy of love and wisdom she passed on to me I’d like to share a couple of stories with you.

    I clearly remember a conversation I had with Evelyn when I was a young mother. My ten-year high school reunion was approaching and I told her I was embarrassed to go. You see, many of my friends had gone on to higher education and were now nurses, teachers and lawyers. I’d married young and was a stay at home mom with two children. Would I be looked upon as unsuccessful?

    My aunt pointed out the importance of my role as a mother who was involved in her children’s lives. She reminded me that as a Brownie leader, I was also building into other lives. By the end of our talk, I saw the value in who I was instead of thinking about who I wasn’t. One of my goals in life now is to help people believe in themselves. I wonder if it stems back to the encouragement I received that day.

    Twelve years ago I moved to a different province and was no longer able to see Evelyn on a regular basis. Once a year I would make the trip back to visit. Although her health had declined in the past few years, her mind remained sharp. We enjoyed good talks and lots of laughter. At the end of one visit, she looked me in the eyes and said, “I may never see you again, but today has been nice, hasn’t it?”

    It was a bittersweet moment with a wonderful lesson on enjoying the time we have today. Right now is all we can be certain of and we need to make the most of it. Give the hugs; pay the compliments, say, “I love you.”

    This is how I choose to remember my Aunt Evelyn. I know that every time I practice living in the moment I will be honouring the memory a wonderful woman who freely shared her love and wisdom with me.

    And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV)

  • You Can’t Be Serious!

    #inspiration, seriious, humour,lifeI was standing in chest deep water holding a pool noodle. We were instructed to hold the noodle with one hand on either side and skip forward and back over it. As you can imagine, this was a bit of a challenge!

    Just as I was feeling quite proud of myself for accomplishing this, everything changed. One heel caught on the noodle and the tug caused me to release my grip. The noodle shot up into the air, causing much laughter from those around me.

    There was a time when the embarrassment from an incident like this would have had me wanting to disappear. In this case, I made fun of myself and joined in the laughter. Then I was able to carry on and enjoy the rest of the class.

    What caused the change in my reaction? I have learned to believe five simple words that have the power to change my outlook. They are, “Don’t take yourself so seriously.”

    When I practice this behaviour I am happier. Actually, so are those around me. Life is a lot more fun when I can laugh at myself. I figure as long as I can laugh at my mistakes I’ll never run out of things to laugh about!

    What about you? Do you take life too seriously or can find humour in situations?

    “Celebrate your success and find humour in your failures. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Loosen up and everyone around you will loosen up. Have fun and always show enthusiasm. When all else fails, put on a costume and sing a silly song.” Sam Walton

  • My Dish Soap Life

    #God, #inspiration, effective, lifeHave you ever noticed the difference between brands of dish soap? I’ve discovered that the name brands are more effective than the generic ones I’ve tried.

    As there are only two of us in our home we generally wash our dishes by hand instead of using the dishwasher. The generic brands are less expensive so we decided to try one. I wasn’t impressed with the results so tried another.

    In both cases, I had to use more than double the amount of our previous brand in order to produce suds and to get the dishes clean. My conclusion is that a diluted product is false economy.

    The same can be said for my life. I have the choice to concentrate my efforts or to dilute them by adding unnecessary ingredients. It’s not hard to figure out which option is the most effective in achieving my goals and dreams. The more I add to my day, the less chance I have of accomplishing what is most important.

    The trouble can come in deciding which elements strengthen my life and which ones will only water it down. That is when I turn to God. He is always available to direct me. When I follow his advice my life will be strong and effective, rather than mixed with worthless things that dilute it.

    Once like sterling silver; now mixed with worthless alloy! Once so pure, but now diluted like watered-down wine! (Isaiah 1:22 TLB)

    Many plans are in the human heart, but the advice of the Lord will endure. (Proverbs 19:21 GWT)

  • Admitting My Addiction

    questions, gaming, inspirationWe have three frog ornaments sitting on our front porch. One has its hands over the eyes, the next over the ears and the last over the mouth.

    After a wind storm, I found one frog had been blown over and was now face down while covering his ears. As I went to take a picture I realized this was a representation of my own recent behaviour. I thought if I could look away and refuse to listen; maybe the problem being pointed out to me wouldn’t really exist.

    My husband had gently but firmly asked me some tough questions. One of them was to confront the issue I may have an addiction. To me, this was a ridiculous thought, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind.

    After wrestling with this for several days I had some questions for myself. Could the computer games I play be an addiction? I sit down at the computer to write and think, “I’ll just play a game or two before I start.” After writing a little I reward myself with a few more games. Sometimes I’m on the computer for hours with little to show for my time.

    I can quickly switch screens when I hear someone approaching. The fact I don’t want to get caught means I know what I’m doing is wrong. Is it an addiction when this activity robs me of valuable time with loved ones?

    The more I thought about it, the more I saw my addictive behaviour. Am I committing the ultimate self-sabotage, keeping myself from having what I most want? I deleted the games from my devices and was surprised by how difficult it was to get rid of them. That left little doubt the problem was bigger than I realized.

    My next step was to go to my husband and admit to my addiction. I apologized for the time I had wasted and thanked him for loving me enough to point out my problem. I then asked for his help in keeping me accountable.

    I come to you in complete vulnerability to publically admit to my addiction. Now that I have acknowledged it, I am able to work on changing my behaviour. The first step is always the hardest and I’ve already taken it.

    “I cannot change or heal what I do not acknowledge.”

  • Undeserved Favour

    #God, #Jesus, undeserved, blessingsMy husband Brian, and I recently went for dinner at our favourite little Vietnamese restaurant where we enjoyed a tasty meal and good conversation.

    When we were finished Brian went to pay our bill and was told someone had already paid it. This was nothing we expected or deserved. It was the random kindness of a stranger, who left before we could express our appreciation.

    The undeserved favour we received that evening reminded us of the way God treats us. There is nothing I could ever do to earn or deserve the blessings he has given me.

    God sent his son, Jesus, to pay the penalty for my sins. Because Jesus paid my debt, I am free to come to God and talk to him at any time.

    Imagine that, I can have conversations with the King of the Universe. He knows and loves me and invites me to come to him at any time. Not only that, but he has prepared a place for me so I may spend eternity with him.

    That, my friends, is the ultimate undeserved favour.

    “My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” ( John 14:2-3 NIV)

  • Good Days vs. Bad Days

    #inspiration, challenges, good days, bad daysA few groans were heard as the instructor introduced a difficult new exercise. She responded with, “If you want to have more good days than bad days, you need to do things that challenge you.”

    She went on to tell us that improving our core strength would promote better balance which would, in turn, help to prevent injury from falls. It would also keep us healthier and that alone would make the difference between good and bad days.

    My mind took in the physical benefits before it quickly moved on to other aspects of my life where this declaration is also true. The thought was simple but also quite profound. When I do things that challenge me, I’ll have more good days than bad.

    I need to remember this when I’m tempted to take the easy route rather than stretch myself to see what I can achieve. By thinking I can’t do something just because I’ve never done it before, I am actually ensuring more bad days than good. Instead of having the thrill of new accomplishments, my life will become boring and routine.

    My goal is to create the best life possible. In order to do so, I will need to be open to new possibilities and keep challenging myself. My life will become more fulfilled and I can then look forward to having many more good days than bad ones.

    “Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” Joshua J. Marine

    “We don’t grow when things are easy. We grow when we face challenges.” unknown

  • Open Hands

    #God, #inspiration, prayer, submissionYears ago I heard of an interesting way to catch a monkey. When a banana is placed in a glass jar, the monkey will reach in and grab the banana. With a clenched fist it will not be able to remove its hand from the jar. Even in the face of danger, it will hold onto something it perceives of value, rather than open its hand and lose the prize.

    This makes it easy for the trapper to grab the monkey when all it needed to do to ensure its freedom was to drop the banana.

    The story came to mind recently when I felt God impressing on me to keep my hands open. Everything was going well in my life and yet I felt discontent. Something wasn’t quite right and I didn’t know what it was or what to do about it.

    Like the monkey, I was holding on to the prize in my hand and found it hard to let go. After a struggle, I was able to say through my tears, “I don’t want to give this up, Lord, but I will if that’s what you want from me.”

    By opening my hands and letting go of what I perceived as important I was submitting to God’s will for my life. It was strange to think I had to let go of my own desires to find freedom, but that was exactly the case.

    The restrictions I placed on my life have been lifted and I am in awe of what God has now placed in my outstretched hands. His plans for me are far greater than anything I could dream of and I am overjoyed to have him back in control.

    For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

  • Nipped in the Bud

    #inspiration, dreams, goals, lessonsIt had been many years since we’d planted tulip bulbs and I was watching the progress with great anticipation. Several were almost ready to bloom. I took a picture of one of the buds and planned to take another when the flower was in full bloom.

    Well, I did get another picture of this stalk, but it was not what I had hoped for. The nice, plump bud had been eaten by the wild rabbit that lives in our neighbourhood. Several more of these promising flowers had suffered the same fate.

    There are still a few buds remaining so either our furry friend had his fill or moved on to sample the fare in another garden. Either way, I can’t count on this not being repeated with the other flowers.

    Yes, I am disappointed. Being upset won’t do me any good, though, so I started looking for the life lesson that must be there for me. It didn’t take long to find!

    There are times in life I have had great plans that haven’t quite made it to fruition. Like the blooms, they were so close I could almost smell their fragrance. At the last minute, something came along and nipped them in the bud.

    Maybe the opportunity wasn’t the right one for me. Perhaps I had more to learn. No matter the reason, I need to keep planting my dreams and goals. It can be scary to risk again knowing things may not turn out the way I hope. The chance is worth it though because that’s what helps me learn and grow.

    “If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances.” Julia Soul

  • A Mother’s Legacy

    #inspiration, mothers, loveYesterday was Mother’s Day and I was blessed to be able to spend time with both of my children and all seven of my grandchildren. They gave me the best gift possible, the gift of time together.

    The young children hugged me, said, “Happy Mother’s Day” and went off to play. My husband, daughter, son, daughter-in-law and teenage granddaughters sat at the table and we talked and laughed together.

    We were also blessed to have our daughter-in-law’s mom with us. The decibel level rose higher as we all enjoyed our time together. The evening wasn’t as much a tribute to motherhood as much as a celebration of life. Stories were told that didn’t always portray me in a favourable light, but that was fine with me.

    My family knows that I’m not perfect. I learned long ago to laugh at my mistakes. After all, these make for the best stories!

    This, in turn, gives my kids permission to laugh at themselves. One of the lessons I hope to have passed is, don’t take yourself too seriously.

    Besides laughter, the other ingredient of our successful gathering was love. It is a beautiful thing and I never want to take for granted the love we share.

    This legacy of teasing, laughing and loving was passed on by my mother. She taught us by example. Although she passed on many years ago, I know she’d be pleased to see us carrying on in the same manner. The lessons were well learned and my goal is to ensure they are passed on to future generations.

    “Train a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not turn away from it.” (Proverbs 22:6 GWT)