We have three frog ornaments sitting on our front porch. One has its hands over the eyes, the next over the ears and the last over the mouth.
After a wind storm, I found one frog had been blown over and was now face down while covering his ears. As I went to take a picture I realized this was a representation of my own recent behaviour. I thought if I could look away and refuse to listen; maybe the problem being pointed out to me wouldn’t really exist.
My husband had gently but firmly asked me some tough questions. One of them was to confront the issue I may have an addiction. To me, this was a ridiculous thought, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind.
After wrestling with this for several days I had some questions for myself. Could the computer games I play be an addiction? I sit down at the computer to write and think, “I’ll just play a game or two before I start.” After writing a little I reward myself with a few more games. Sometimes I’m on the computer for hours with little to show for my time.
I can quickly switch screens when I hear someone approaching. The fact I don’t want to get caught means I know what I’m doing is wrong. Is it an addiction when this activity robs me of valuable time with loved ones?
The more I thought about it, the more I saw my addictive behaviour. Am I committing the ultimate self-sabotage, keeping myself from having what I most want? I deleted the games from my devices and was surprised by how difficult it was to get rid of them. That left little doubt the problem was bigger than I realized.
My next step was to go to my husband and admit to my addiction. I apologized for the time I had wasted and thanked him for loving me enough to point out my problem. I then asked for his help in keeping me accountable.
I come to you in complete vulnerability to publically admit to my addiction. Now that I have acknowledged it, I am able to work on changing my behaviour. The first step is always the hardest and I’ve already taken it.
“I cannot change or heal what I do not acknowledge.”
8 thoughts on “Admitting My Addiction”
The time-outs we make for ourselves can sure turn into addictions, can’t they? Things like Netflix are a great idea, but I can find myself binging from time to time, and make up the excuse, “I’m learning story-telling and dialogue.” 🙂 Such a blessing to you to have Brian who could lovingly point it out, and also hold you accountable for the changes you want to take!
Thank you for your comment, Lynn. It’s quite surprising to think how these seemingly innocent things can slowly take over our lives.
You are such a beautiful example! Thank you for sharing from so deeply within your being.
“ultimate self sabotage” –Wow…I need to consider these words too.
Thank you, Jill. I appreciate your kind words. This was a hard past to write but if it can help one person, it was worth it. May we all be set free from our self- sabotage.
Tandy, you have hit home for me. I know playing computer games steals time from the precious hours God has given me, but I can’t stay away. It draws me in. Deleting the games is not an option, because my husband uses the same computer. He is disabled, and the computer helps him interact with the social media and keeps his mind active. There are many other things I’d rather do but don’t!
Thank you for your message, Sandy. I could delete the games from my phone and iPad but not from the desktop computer so am praying for strength to ignore their call. Far too many hours have been stolen and I don’t want to give up any more. I will pray for you to be able to walk away from the computer instead of succumbing to temptation.
Your vulnerability is like a breath of fresh air in a world where it is more popular to appear “perfect” than it is to admit our struggles. Your words will undoubtably reach out to someone who is in the midst of a similar battle. My prayer for you is that, in revealing your struggle, God will bless you with the release from the bondage of this addiction. Much love to you❤
Thank you, Darlene. The comments I’ve received from people with similar struggles have let me know it was good to be vulnerable. We all have something we’re dealing with so let’s band together and support each other.
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