The decision was out of my control and the pressure I felt was entirely self-imposed.
When I first learned my book was a finalist for an award I was overwhelmed. Gratitude to God was present in the tears that flowed. He had blessed me for heeding his call on my life.
I’ve just returned from the Word Awards in Toronto. As the time grew closer for the winner to be announced my thoughts changed. They became more about me than the opportunity to serve God by sharing the words he’s given me to write.
If I wasn’t the winner, would that make me a loser? Would I be a disappointment to those that have cheered me on?
It wasn’t until someone else’s name was called that I realized it doesn’t take an award to make me a winner. The outpouring of love, support and positive comments I received from family and friends washed over me like a healing balm. To them and to God, I was still a winner.
You see, I let it become about me when it was never supposed to be. In the Bible it says:”If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God.” I firmly believe it is the same for those who write.
The words God has given me to write are not for my benefit alone. The goal is to inspire others and point them to him. This is for his glory, not mine. To know I am doing what God wants me to is greater than any other reward.
My heart was not ready to receive an outside award. When I am completely surrendered to him and his calling on my life and not concerned about outside validation I will be ready. I don’t know when that day will come, but for now I thank him for loving me enough to keep me humble.
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 4:10-11 NIV)
All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. (1 Peter 5:5-6 NIV)